I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
