Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Found your dick twin last night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
