i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
