Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
