he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
