the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
