ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Actions speak louder than pants.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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