the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
