My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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