just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
