You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
