It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
