1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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