I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
