is your mom at the bar?
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
