YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
