I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
