nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
