After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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