you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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