The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize