after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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