who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
