You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
