i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
