just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
