Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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