so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
