Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
