Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
