I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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