another moral hangover. fuck.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
