She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
