We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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