Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
