I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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