i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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