your thong is hanging out like whoa
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
