I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Even my vagina gasped.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize