Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
