Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
