I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
