I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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