You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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