so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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