Is it because I queefed?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
