Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
