the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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