do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
