Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
