we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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