Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize