forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
