I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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