I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
