If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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