to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
