I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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