So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
