He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
