By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
