It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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