Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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