I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
