It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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