I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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