This is not my ceiling
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
