I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
