I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
