i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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