he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Terrible idea I love it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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