For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
