If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
